When people come to me for career therapy sessions, and we begin to analyze the current state, most often the problems lie not only in the professional area, but also in the plane of relationships. Just like with a career, it is important to have a magnet point, what kind of relationship we want to be in, and how to feel about it.
I ignored the formalization of this topic for quite a long time, having only thoughts in my head, until one personal story led me to understand – it’s time. And I created my “Relationship Manifesto”.
Let it help you to create your own.
Here we go…
Be in a relationship where:
On an emotional level, both partners are ready for deep communication, openly share feelings, experiences, and are ready to accept them. Without judgments.
On an intellectual level, there are topics for joint communication, there is a desire to develop professionally and talk about it.
On a physical level, there is a sexual connection, a willingness to deepen into the art of making love together, to practice, experiment, and work with energies.
On a spiritual level, there is parallel development, a willingness to share and help each other, common values and beliefs.
Behavior: express a willingness to care about each other, to support, to accept, to be there for each other during hard moments, to be happy for each other during good moments, to be each other’s biggest fans, best friends, partners, and coaches all at the same time. To give each other equivalent levels of freedom. To trust when the other is not around. I hope to see a willingness to live in different countries of the world together, or separately if circumstances require it, and to stay close wherever we are, a willingness to travel. To have heartfelt, friendly relations with each other’s parents and families.
Financials: a desire and actions for the growth of well-being, discussions of what and how can be improved. I wanna be sure, I am financially fully supported if I decide to give birth; this will help me to feel safe.
Family: There is a willingness to have a mutual child. At the same time, to trust life here. Without pushing in this direction or any medical interventions. I am also positive about adoption.
Health and body care: a common desire to maintain good physical shape through proper nutrition, sports, stretching, long hikes, and walks.
Shared space: a desire to create harmony in the space where we live: to light candles, use fragrances, turn on music, keep things in their places, clean up. Discuss household rules together and stick to them.
Marriage: a wedding is not as a legal event but a special moment and commitment only for the two of us in a special place. Also, what is important is having time only for 2 as a weekly tradition.
Feelings to experience:
Be a girl, not a leader with my man. I need him to lead, to treat me as a woman, to give hugs, presents, and flowers not because I ask for this, but because he feels the desire to do this, as doing so he gives me joy and this brings joy to him. See real actions from a man that show his care and support.
What I am ready to give:
Love my partner for who he is. Accept my man’s personality. Focus consciously on his good skills and features to let them grow, uplift him, and inspire him. To be there for him when he needs it and to give him “cave time” when he needs it. To be beautiful for him. To care and support. To be honest. To be sincere, sharing what I feel, need, and want. To guarantee absolute chastity. To be proud of his achievements. To respect his values and principles.
I will not always do what my partner asks. I accept that my partner should not always do what I ask. I may disagree with him and vice versa, and this does not affect our closeness.
There should be boundaries and rules between us, much clearer than with others, because he and I interact more closely.
I will not force him to change but will inspire him to become better. I would like to receive open, accurate, non-insulting feedback on how I can improve in any area. I am ready to give him time to grow and not set expectations here. I would need my time to grow and become better in proposed areas, in my own way.
No illusion:
My partner may be angry with me, I may be angry with him. And we may discuss it openly. If there is a conflict, we should have our “know-how” to overcome it and become better.
My partner may be angry with me, I may be angry with him. And we may discuss it openly. If there is a conflict, we should have our “know-how” to overcome it and become better.
If we are close, this does not mean that we should understand each other without words, even if it happens. We will have to discuss our desires, expectations, and needs.
If we lose intimacy, we can return it when we both want and are ready.
If we don’t want something now, it may change. We both may change — I understand this.
If we are close, this does not mean that I am responsible for my partner’s happiness, and he is responsible for mine. Everyone has their own happiness and their own destiny. But I will do my best to be there for him, inspire, support him on his journey, uplift him, respect his beliefs, and acknowledge his opinions.
I wanna know my partner’s stories, understand his triggers and motivators, but
I have my secrets from the past, which should not be shared. He has his own. I understand this.
I will do my best to not compare with experiences I had in the past and not to let them influence our present.
I am ready to be grateful for every moment, learn my lessons through him, with him…
I am ready to let my partner go if he wanna go. Freedom of choice is God’s gift.