Running a business = engaging with people. How important are emotions in this realm? Are they acceptable in professional interactions? Marina Melnick, a business and personal development consultant, delves into these questions in her article. Find more insightful posts on the blog.
Emotions and Communication
I love the saying, ‘Life is the art of encounters.’ The quality of life directly depends on how well we communicate with others, which, in turn, depends on our awareness of our emotional state and our ability to recognize and regulate it. This is the first factor for successful interactions. The second is recognizing the emotions of our conversational partner and managing them (don’t confuse it with manipulation).
Business is about constant communication. It often becomes challenging, as both parties have their own interests. Each participant enters a conversation with a specific emotional state, triggering the feelings in the other person simultaneously.
In such moments, mindfulness is crucial. We must understand the origins and reasons behind our emotions. By achieving awareness, we can reduce the emotional impact by roughly 50%. Yes, emotions still affect us, but not as intensely.
If our emotions become uncontrollable, we can’t simply pause and reflect.
Developing Emotional Intelligence and Tracking Triggers
Try to understand how you would prefer to respond to irritations. Being aware of your actual reactions and your desired ideal response is the first step towards enhancing emotional intelligence and displaying healthy reactions.
However, achieving immediate results is not possible — be prepared to put in the work on yourself.
It’s crucial to consistently monitor what caused a strong reaction — such as an elevated tone or even yelling. When identifying new triggers, analyze how you reacted to the irritant and consider the response you aim to exhibit in similar situations in the future. It’s a challenging task, but a necessary one if you aspire to become skilled negotiators or balanced and mature leaders.
When you become aware of your state, you can build appropriate and environmentally friendly reactions. Over time, you can genuinely learn to take a break to reduce the impact of emotions on your communication.
During emotionally charged moments, you have the right to request your colleague/partner to postpone the conversation: ‘Your words have upset me, and it’s difficult to continue the conversation in this state. I would greatly appreciate it if we could address these matters at a later time.
Reading Emotional Cues
When your conversation partner is irritated or angry, they may say things they don’t mean, and you might inadvertently mirror their reaction. It’s normal. However, this can lead both parties to make incorrect decisions.
Recognizing that your colleague is in an aggressive state, try gently calming them down and redirecting their focus: ‘Let’s grab a coffee and then discuss the situation at hand.’ When a person is distracted, even by performing simple physical actions, their emotions begin to subside.
No matter what happens, avoid manipulating emotions. Building high-quality, trusting business relationships cannot be achieved by exploiting someone’s emotional state for personal gain.
How to Ease Tension
To diffuse emotional tension, pay attention to:
- your own emotions;
- your choice of words;
- the emotional state of your partner, colleague, or client.
When triggers or emotional tension are identified, I recommend engaging in simple small talk — a casual conversation on an unrelated topic.
Once you’ve reached a productive mental state, guide the conversation towards the desired outcome — every discussion has its own goal. Strive to always conclude the interaction on a positive note, regardless of how it started.
Inappropriate Reactions
Yelling and aggression are not acceptable emotional responses in business communication. Engaging in prohibited behaviors such as passive-aggressive trolling is off-limits when interacting with clients, partners, or colleagues. It’s important to steer clear of provocative statements like, ‘Smart people in such a situation would…’ or any others that might trigger your conversation partner.
A Winning Communication Strategy
It is unacceptable to exhibit condescending behavior or adopt a lecturing tone. While you, as a leader, and your company’s employees may have different objectives, a skilled leader can identify common ground and reach a resolution based on mutual understanding.
However, this does not mean settling for a compromise. The decision should fully satisfy both parties rather than being a mere middle ground.
Therefore, the ideal approach is a Win-Win mindset, where both sides come out as winners. This approach is built on respect, understanding, and the ability to empathize with your colleagues. The Win-Win approach is applicable to situations of various scales, from local to global.
To make it work, both sides need to be prepared. Ask yourself these 9 questions before entering into communication:
- What do I want from these negotiations?
- What does my colleague want?
- What interests do we have in common?
- What will be the consequences if I’m denied?
- How might my partner react to my proposal?
- Do I have counterarguments to their potential objections?
- Which proposals or solutions from my colleague are acceptable, and which are not?
- What is the worst outcome I can agree to?
- Where does the benefit for my colleague end?
Your conversation partner should answer these questions as well. After such preparation, you can proceed with the negotiations.
Communication using the Win-Win strategy consists of 5 stages:
- Each party’s self-presentation.
- Defining the goals and conditions of the meeting.
- Expressing thoughts, ideas, and proposals from both sides.
- Finding points of agreement and mutual benefit.
- Achieving a result.
Reacting to Negativity
When someone enters a negative emotional state, it’s challenging not to get caught up in similar emotions. If that happens, address the issue immediately, so your conversation partner acknowledges its existence. Offer a break for coffee, a game of table tennis, or lunch (emphasize what suits the situation or add your own suggestion), or ask to avoid discussing a specific topic.
I want to emphasize the importance of being aware of and understanding your emotions. When you feel anger taking over, try to manage it. Sometimes, anger can be useful. For example, speaking with emotional intensity can make your point more convincing, recognizing that it’s the right choice in that situation. The key is finding a balance.
Sometimes emotions escalate, and a person can no longer control themselves, unloading all their grievances onto their conversation partner, even those that weren’t caused by them.
Additional Tips for Developing Emotional Intelligence:
1. Learn to recognize and embrace your emotions.
Don’t suppress what you feel — it will eventually come out, often at the most inconvenient times. Take the time to slow down and analyze the emotions you’re experiencing in the moment. Notice how they manifest in your body and what triggered them.
A practice that I highly recommend is journaling your daily emotions. It’s best to do this with pen and paper, but you can also use digital notes. This practice helps you gain better self-awareness, understand yourself more deeply, and fill in any missing pieces for complete self-realization.
2. Cultivate empathy.
When engaged in a conversation, listen attentively and truly hear the other person. Pay attention to their emotions. Avoid interrupting them. Before expressing a differing opinion, try to fully embrace and understand their perspective. This approach helps you better comprehend the other person’s point of view.
3. Practice assertiveness.
Assertiveness is a communication style where you confidently and respectfully assert your position without disregarding others’ rights. During a stressful conversation, try to detach yourself from the situation and the people involved. Take a brief pause and observe everything from a neutral standpoint, as if you were an impartial observer. The key is to avoid getting emotionally entangled and prevent your feelings from overpowering your reasoning.
Utilize the tips and practices from this article to develop your emotional intelligence and enhance the quality of your professional and personal communication.